put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
