every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
