have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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