He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
