i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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