i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
porn star boner night. come get it.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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