Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
