please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
