I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
