I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
