Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
