I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
