whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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