And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Randomize
