you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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