She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
