she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
