Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
