I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
