just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
