I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
