Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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