I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
