he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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