I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
