Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
