so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
