I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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