she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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