wat bout pragnant strippers??
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
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