when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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