I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
