I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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