I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
