this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
handjob tips. give me some.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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