my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
