Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
