Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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