I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
