apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
