I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
