u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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