"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
