Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
