I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
