why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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