: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize