What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
