a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
