He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
