Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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