Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
