I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
