Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
