mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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