No stitches, just platelets and will power
Farmville is her only friend.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
