yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
