I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
