Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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