if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
