the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
