first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize