Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize