Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
