Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
