What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
