If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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