just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
