So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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